An Open Letter to my Ex-Best Friend

Dear Ex-Best Friend,

I’ve written this many times and each time a new emotional is unveiled– Let’s face it, you were my friend out of convenience and spite. But I was your friend because I enjoyed your company and we had fun together, whether it was long car rides home or just making jokes in our 8 AMs to keep us awake. You slowly crept your way into my life and became the one person whom I felt I could tell anything to. You were my friend because I was blind and I didn’t see that you used me to make your “best friend” jealous– you know the one.

I have tried to figure out for so long why you did what you did. Because the amount of embarrassment I felt can never be fathomed and neither can the hurt. Your “apology” shouldn’t be categorized as an apology, because it wasn’t genuine.. you made me out to be the wolf in sheep’s clothing when it was you all along. You didn’t realize the emotional abuse I was a victim to, or how many things you once said still haunt my dreams. I know I shouldn’t let you know, but I now have a hard time trusting people and letting things go now. You did a number on me and I’m barely starting to get better.

I can’t help but think that you did this as a way out.. a way to leave and not be a disappointment. It was the easy way for you. I didn’t deserve to be left, because I was there for you for so long and I helped you through so much.. and why I received an excuse rather than an apology.. I will never understand, but I believe it’s a blessing in disguise.

You painted me as the bad guy, and I let you, because if it took you slandering my name to make you feel better, then so be it. I figured that the ones who knew the real me would know that anything you said was a lie and if they didn’t, they never were my friend.

There is absolutely NO excuse for turning your back on me when I was one of the handful of people that cared about you. That’s not to say I haven’t forgiven you, because I wouldn’t be writing this letter if I hadn’t. I let go for me, because it did no good to hold on to anger and betrayal.. letting go felt so amazing.

Still, I hope you find a way to be yourself someday.. you need to love yourself and not let your worth depend on if a boy loves you or any of the material things that you possess. You are amazing, beautiful, funny, attentive and generous.. Things will turn around for you and one day you will make someone very happy. Enjoy your life as it is now, because that someone will come in due time!!!

I think back on all of our memories, like when I made you laugh so hard you had to puke.. or when you cried in the shower for hours over your “best friend” betraying you. Remember all the fun we had doing face masks and staying up until 4 AM binge watching shows on Netflix?

This is my final goodbye. You were my best friend and I miss you everyday, but no one will hold a candle to me and my worth. I will not let someone destroy me the way you did. I have to remember that the person I took a bullet for was the one that shot me.

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